Finally an update!

Short and sweet just to say I'm still here! Will post more when the kids are back in school.

On March 17, at 735pm my dad lost his battle with cancer. It completely breaks my heart that after such a long hard fight, we lost him.

Thank you to everyone that supported me through this journey. When I update again, there is some funny things that came out of this.

Moving Forward and Not Looking Back

Its been awhile. Yes, I know this. But life gets in the way. Instead of going on about the last few months, I will touch on somethings that people have asked about. Other then that, unless something changes, I wont be going back to blog about it.

My dad-He entered his fourth year battle with cancer. Things aren't very good at this time. Hope and pray is all we are doing.

My nephew-He is doing amazing! Perfect in every way and hitting every milestone on time despite his 8 week early arrival.

My weight loss-40 pounds gone and 34 more to go!

My home situation-8 months later and he still doesn't have a job. However he is still working in the river. I have played around with the idea of school and work. Still very undecided.

Going to do my very best to get back into blogging. Sometimes here is the only place I can put my feelings without worrying about what people are going to say or the crap I will get for saying it aloud.

Hello Life!

Its been a little over a month since Ive written last. Well after my last post, things got super crazy. My sister went in for a non stress test on Saturday. And then ended up being air lifted to Bayview Medical Center in Baltimore. She has Hope Syndrome and Pre-Eclampsia. And it was Easter weekend. I took the girls to the circus in Baltimore Easter Sunday. (Funny how God works). After the circus we went to the hospital to visit and bring my brother in law home. All was good, they had her under control. Bad news was she was staying till CJ was born. So we made a list of things that she would need for her new home. Everything was great. Then Monday, a little after 5 hours from talking to her, Chris called. Her blood pressure was out of control and it was time for CJ to make it to this world. And Tuesday morning he did. Born 8 weeks early.

The next six weeks were full of tears, worry and almost three hour drives one way to visit him in the NICU. But it was worth every minute. He did great and was only in the NICU for eating issues, nothing medical.

Now here it is July 1 and he will be 3 months old tomorrow. And he's wonderful. My sister however, had to have emergency surgery. She had mastitis which wouldn't go away and they had to do surgery to get rid of the infection. That same day Sara was taken to the ER for what we thought was an asthma attack and ended up being pneumonia.

Can I have that summer vacation now please?

And there will be some blogging about our endless adventures to Baltimore!

Well, Sh#t Just Got Real!

Yes it sure did! At 832am yesterday, I received a phone call from John, that I deep down inside knew was coming at some point. He was let go from his job. Reasons that I wont go into at this time.

So back to no job. Well does this hurt us? Yes and no. More money is made by him working on the farm and in the river. But we did loose insurance. Not a great thing when I'm a diabetic and have asthma. And my worst season is fast approaching for asthma. We looked at plans for self pay but they will run us $600-1000 a month. Not including dental. Luckily my best friend Jessica said look into state insurance. And I did, so I am applying for that for the kids. I will relook at policies for us. Hopefully we don't need  do this long.

Now onto the do I get a job? That I do not know. John says no. I say yes. Still praying for guidance on that one. We don't just want to up and change everything, especially for the kids all at one time. And if I was to get a job right now, it would drastically change all summer plans. The only summer plans I'm really worried about is the week at Girl Scout Camp and Sara's dance recital. The others could just bite it!

Yes, I Know

I haven't done what I said I was going to. That's because I have been hashing out my thoughts and feelings on Facebook. Which has become quite comical. People started looking forward to my weekly sound offs! After a really good conversation with my dad, I realized that my life needed to change. I walked away from something that I never thought I would. I learned I needed to stop taking the bs in my life as well as my family. And I also learned that some people just needed to go from my life. And I have been doing just that.

As of today more big changes are happening. Or are going to. Well, both. Still praying for guidance on that situation. So stay tuned. And as the guys at the firehouse say " Shits about to get real up in here"

Happy New Year!

Ok so its the 6. Shut it! So whats new with us? Well to start, my dad's tumor has shrunk. Actually all 3 of them. Since he is doing so much better then what the doctor thought, he can do radiation. Next Monday he will start it 5 days a week for 6 weeks. So yea for my dad!

We ended/started our year at a friends house with her two amazing boys. I love seeing that she has become an amazing mother! After all, she was once the wild child! But if you look around her house, you can see the love she has for these two little boys. What really touched me was the craft projects. That is what I like to see hanging up at peoples houses when they have kids.

Nothing else new to report. Working on somethings around the house. Planning a vacation or two!

Stay tuned for a post on Christmas, My Way for Once!

Happy New Year!

Nothing Much New

Not much has changed here lately. Other then cheerleading is OVER! As much as I love it, the schedule for the last month was getting ridiculous. Practice 5 times a week was a little much. But all the hard work for Tina's squad paid off, because they took first place in the 11-13 division! Christmas is getting into full swing. We are actually taking a small life break this weekend and headed to Great Wolf Lodge! And I get to have surgery next week for a kidney stone. That's about all the happenings here! Stand by for some more exciting news!

What Does Someone thats Struggling Look Like?

Do they look like the mom toting a bunch of kids around the grocery store in worn out clothes? Is it the man that rides up and down the road to his job at McDonalds on his bike? Or could it be the family that you see everyday at school, scouts, etc?

Well guess what the answer is? All of the above! This isn't about judging, but about knowing that this could be your next store neighbor, your best friend or even you co-worker.

Why am I bringing this up you ask? Because I finally have decided to be brave enough and share my story. That's right, ME! And about the struggles my family had.

Not the greatest time of my life. Especially to feel like it was all I could do to keep my family fed. Money was pretty non existing in our house. But did anyone know? Nope! Not till last Christmas when someone who I now consider one of my best friends showed up a few days before Christmas with her mother and left a bag on the porch. In that bag was food, toys and a gift card. But back to us struggling. My kids ate two meals at school every day. I was lucky enough to have food for dinner or to have food to feed them all weekend. Why didn't I ask for help? Well one, I was too ashamed. After all, who wants to admit they need help? And when I finally did, our government failed us. We were denied an EBT card. Reason, to much income! How I don't know. It was now even harder for us to pay bills. Vehicles were reposed. The church even paid our electric bill so we could have heat during the winter.

After months of struggling things have finally changed. We've been going several months with bills paid ahead, a purchase of another vehicle and even more then enough food. Though you ask the kids we never have anything to eat! So my main point to this whole story-You never know someone else's situation. Its easy to put on a great facade, after all, I did it for several months! If you think there might be a problem, gently ask if you can do something to help. It can mean more then you would think.

This Year I Shall....

Make small manageable obtainable goals! Instead of making goals for the year, I'm going to set small goals for each month. For January, Id like to get the house clean and re-organized. I would also like to work going back to the gym in my schedule at least once a week. Id love to say twice, but we'll go with once for now! Some months I know what the goals are going to be, others I will have to think of it as the month drawls closer. There is other things Id like to work on, but those are my main ones for the month!

Hello there!

Hello friends! Hope this New Years Eve sees everyone well! I have been gone for quite some time now. I have been sick, kids have been sick and this family was deffinetely going through a rough patch. But now that its all over, I am back. I have a new attitude about things because of some decsions I have made. So stand by, great things are to come!

Not Happy

I know its been awhile since Ive blogged. Dad got sick again and Ive been doing a lot of running up and down the road to him. And its made me realize some things in all the time I have gotten to think.

And once again I'm not happy. I'm really thinking it is me. Ive once again tried to talk to John but nothing changes. He said things will and they don't. Him working seven days a week and spending no time with his family is taking its toll. I constantly get yelled at and get blamed for things. Or I get the attitude because he's pissed off because something hasn't gone right.

And now Ive decided to go back to work full time. How this is going to work I don't know. I will now be working and still have all the responsibility of the kids as he stated he will not help. And yes I know millions of women do this every day. But I have no clue have I'm going to work and get three kids to different activities every day. I guess this in itself will be its own adventure.

I even brought up the whole separating thing. It might have been mean to say, but I flat out asked him whats the point of having him if I will still be taking care of the house and kids and working? But I don't even know if separating is the answer. All I know is I'm not happy and that needs to change because its affecting me every day.

I Discovered a New Thing

Its called turn of my cell phone and don't check my emails at night!! And not to check my email on weekends. And its WONDERFUL!!!!!!!! Nobody told me you could do this. After 5 pm, I don't check emails and then around 9, I put my cell on silent. Its been so great not to have to worry about checking and getting back to people. Though it has irritated a few people because they are used to me getting back right away. Boo hoo!! I need me time,family time and time to decompress at night. I cant always be bothered with firehouse stuff at all hours but apparently their are a few people that think I should be. So everyone will just learn how to deal!

Changes

We have been so busy this last month. Promotions, recitals, shows and a vacation to New York. In the midst of all this I have done alot of thinking. I have seen that I'm not happy with myself. I feel that I have no time for myself nor do I do anything for myself. So I have decided that I am staying with my cut back shift for the medic unit and that come August, I will not run any one particular shift. That is to help me have more time with transitioning the kids back to school and to help Tina with her decision to go back to cheerleading. I also am working it for me to go back to the gym. I need some me time and the gym sounds like a great place to do it. They have excellent child care so Sara will get to see some fresh faces. I also would like to start scrapbooking again. I haven't scrapbooked since last October. That is mine own little world where I can get lost. Hopefully some of this will help with the stress and anxiety. I cant go through life being crabby all the time!

Changes

I know I need to update on a few things. And I will. When I get back from vacation! I know, vacation and me dont go together. But they are this week! The girls and I are off to New York to see my best friend from high school, Jessica. And I cant wait. Its much needed! And when I come back, there shall be a new me! So stand by for updates and changes!

Tomorrow Is A New Day

Well,technically it is tomorrow. I feel like a huge wait has been lifted off my shoulders with my dad. I know we still have treatments,scans and doctors appointments down the road, but  knowing the cancer is gone is great! And the money situation is getting better. I still feel like sometimes I should go to work,but that wont work for us. So I have decided with all being said and done, its time for me to get back on track! Back to getting the house in order, back to the gym, scrapbooking and whatever else I have slacked off with. This summer I have already decided to lesson my time at the medic unit. I will no longer do an overnight shift. I'm going to a 12 hour day shift. I also realize I really need to have some me time. I don't consider going to the gym, me time. Others might disagree,but I see that as making me a healthier person so I can better take care of my family. So look forward to exciting things happening in the future,especially this week!

Annoyed To No End

I swear I feel like we cant just get caught up. It seems like as soon as the bills are paid off or up, something happens. We have so much to pay for right with the summer coming up. It annoys the hell out of me! I just want some of these bills gone. Hopefully the crabs will come soon and we can have that extra money. I brought up again about getting a job but John pointed out that it just wont work for us. And hes right. It wont work for us right now. Unless this job will let me work the hours of 9-4, which right now in this economy, theres a fat chance of that happening. The only other option is that the kids wouldn't be able to do any after school activities anymore. Period. Nothing. And I don't think that's fair to them. So I will stay hopeful and keep praying that somehow this is all taken care of.

Slacker

Yes, I know I have been. So much stuff going on, good and bad! And maybe I should have blogged about it to get it out and get others opinions. I know some changes need to be made. Just not sure where and how those need to be done. And my dad has to go through five weeks of radiation twice a day and chemo once a week. They are just doing this as a precautionary. My dad isn't so happy about this. He wants to take the bar. Id like for him to do that too, but Id like him to take the treatments too, ya know? Its also been a busy month for us. Two school promotion's, getting ready for Sara's recital,soccer,Jimmy coming home and so much more! I promise Ill make more of an effort to update!

At This Point...

I would take one day that nothing bad happens. Sick kids this week, dads still in the hospital and its taking forever for the IRS to deposit the tax money. Frustrations and tempers are running high. I just want things to be "normal" at some point. Whatever "normal" may be for us! I feel like everything is at a stand still. Seems that everything is relying on something else before it can be done. I'm hoping to have everything straight by the end of this month, if not Ill be checking myself in for a vacation at St. Elizabeths!! LOL You all can come wave to me through the windows.

What Hasnt Happened This Year...

We have not been cancer free, we haven't been sick, the house has not gotten to where I want it, we have not caught the bills up, my schedule isn't where I want it, there was not a big huge family problem caused by my mom,the kids didn't come home moments before our house was broken and I'm probably sure theres other stuff that I cant think of right now! So I will start with he beginning and explain each one...
**Dad had his reconstruction surgery. While working on him, his oncologist saw the cancer. That's right, saw it!! It was never gone. He said that because of where it was and not being able to access it till now, that he didn't believe the cancer was ever gone. But he removed it during this surgery. So guess what? We are cancer free!! It had better stay that way!
**Hi diabetes! Yes, I posted about that already. But its still here! And I can say the last few weeks I haven't been very compliant. I need to figure out a new way to handle that!
**The floors are done and the rooms are switched. That's about it. Still need to pain the trim in the girls room and finish painting Eric's room. And of course reorganize and pain the rest of the house!
**Bills, hmmm, do they ever go away?? Hopefully when the tax money comes, a few of the bills will go away for good!
**Schedule?!? Whats that? Well, I cant say I don't have one. I do, but I'm not happy with it.I'm still not falling asleep most nights and exhausted the next day. I'm just gonna have to force myself to go to sleep and wake up the same time every day.
**My mother--I blogged about that too. Still not ready to say what happened because its not over yet,but soon!
**The house getting broken into. Well, that was something. While I was busy saving people, some jackass broke into the house. From the time he left and the kids came home was about 15 minutes. So I felt like I should get the crappy mom award that day!

Yea for us

Well a little bit of exciting news!! John passes his CDL's on Thursday. So now he will be making twice as much money.So that is deff a positive. Also we got our first tax check. So as much as I hate it, I actually went shopping. At the mall at that! Had to get the girls their cleats. And they also wanted to get their ears pierced. Tina got her second set of holes and Sara her first. Sara wasnt to sure about them that night and wanted to take them out but now she doesnt even bother. And mommy finally got her coffee machine--The Keurig!! It was on sale so I treated myself. Even though the whole family will benefit!! For my sanity and they can have tea or hot chocolate. I also booked our Great Wolf trip and got the kids their tickets to the Blue Crabs games. Today John and I went out again and bought some clothes for Sara and I and some stuff we needed for the house. So thats about all for now! Hopefully things will keep going good!