Anybody? Anybody at all?

Helllllooooo out there! Anybody there? Writing will finally resume!

Finally an update!

Short and sweet just to say I'm still here! Will post more when the kids are back in school.

On March 17, at 735pm my dad lost his battle with cancer. It completely breaks my heart that after such a long hard fight, we lost him.

Thank you to everyone that supported me through this journey. When I update again, there is some funny things that came out of this.

Happy New Years!

I decided that this year instead of resolutions, Id rather make goals. So here they are!

1. More family time
2. Learn how to say no!
3. Get on with this change of diet so I can be healthier
4. Get back to at least walking a few times a week
5. Purge things in the house
6. Get organized better
7. Get my scrapbooking stuff organized
8. Start scrapbooking again!
9. Learn to can

So these are my simple goals. Some I have started on already. Every three months I'm going to check back on them and see what is working and whats not and go from there.

Hope everyone has a great new year!

Moving Forward and Not Looking Back

Its been awhile. Yes, I know this. But life gets in the way. Instead of going on about the last few months, I will touch on somethings that people have asked about. Other then that, unless something changes, I wont be going back to blog about it.

My dad-He entered his fourth year battle with cancer. Things aren't very good at this time. Hope and pray is all we are doing.

My nephew-He is doing amazing! Perfect in every way and hitting every milestone on time despite his 8 week early arrival.

My weight loss-40 pounds gone and 34 more to go!

My home situation-8 months later and he still doesn't have a job. However he is still working in the river. I have played around with the idea of school and work. Still very undecided.

Going to do my very best to get back into blogging. Sometimes here is the only place I can put my feelings without worrying about what people are going to say or the crap I will get for saying it aloud.

Adventures In NICU Land

It seemed our trips to the NICU to see CJ never went with out something happening. It became quite comical. We had things happening going up, coming home and then of course there was the impromptu trip that we made when I swore Jen was going to kill the nurses. So here goes!

Driving up one morning, somehow we ended up in the shipping yard. Don't ask, because we still don't know. This was our very first trip up together. After riding around and seeing the boats and all the trucks we asked for directions and got back on track. We even saw where the cruise ships leave port. So when we take our cruise, we now know exactly how to get there!

Twice on the way home we encountered police and fire/ems problems. Some poor soul decided to end his life and jump off the bridge in Solomons. And another night we watched a very drunk lady get locked up which blocked traffic up for miles because of the show she put on.

Most of the time we spent in the NICU wasn't bad. For the most part, he had wonderful nurses. You can tell the ones who really love their jobs. You can also tell the ones that need to move on. One nurse in my opinion was very nasty. And she made my sister cry. This was the first time that I said something. Its high stress as it is. We all know why he was there. But treating Jen the way she did and acting like an ass was unnecessary. So I had to tell her about herself! The second time was quite exciting. I got a phone call very early in the am. I'm pretty sure at this point Jen was going to knock off the night nurses. She was highly pissed. The night nurse decided to tube feed him instead of bottle feed him. Mind you, him drinking a bottle was the only reason why he was still in the NICU. So how can he learn if you wont give it to him? She asked to have the tube removed and of course they didn't want that. So before we left, I was holding CJ and I whispered in his ear that if he pulled that tube out, he could come home and Id buy him a pony.

Watch what you tell the little ones! Late that night, Jen called and I can hear her giggling before I even said hello. She then says "Guess what your nephew did?" Then she tells me how he pulled out the tube and she refused to let them put in a new one. Well played little man, well played! But guess what? Four days later he was home!

Now about that pony.....

Hello Life!

Its been a little over a month since Ive written last. Well after my last post, things got super crazy. My sister went in for a non stress test on Saturday. And then ended up being air lifted to Bayview Medical Center in Baltimore. She has Hope Syndrome and Pre-Eclampsia. And it was Easter weekend. I took the girls to the circus in Baltimore Easter Sunday. (Funny how God works). After the circus we went to the hospital to visit and bring my brother in law home. All was good, they had her under control. Bad news was she was staying till CJ was born. So we made a list of things that she would need for her new home. Everything was great. Then Monday, a little after 5 hours from talking to her, Chris called. Her blood pressure was out of control and it was time for CJ to make it to this world. And Tuesday morning he did. Born 8 weeks early.

The next six weeks were full of tears, worry and almost three hour drives one way to visit him in the NICU. But it was worth every minute. He did great and was only in the NICU for eating issues, nothing medical.

Now here it is July 1 and he will be 3 months old tomorrow. And he's wonderful. My sister however, had to have emergency surgery. She had mastitis which wouldn't go away and they had to do surgery to get rid of the infection. That same day Sara was taken to the ER for what we thought was an asthma attack and ended up being pneumonia.

Can I have that summer vacation now please?

And there will be some blogging about our endless adventures to Baltimore!

Happy Birthday Sissy

Today would have been my sister Sharon's 44th birthday.I cant believe she has been gone so long. For those of you that don't know, she was killed by a drunk driver when she was 16. I was 8. And she was my world. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her or think about her. Those that say time heals all wounds, must have never lost a sibling. I actually did a little research on this subject. They say losing a sibling is worst then losing any other family member, including a parent. I always wonder what she would think about what is going on in this family.

Sharon, I miss you like crazy and wish you were here. Love you always and forever!

Well, Sh#t Just Got Real!

Yes it sure did! At 832am yesterday, I received a phone call from John, that I deep down inside knew was coming at some point. He was let go from his job. Reasons that I wont go into at this time.

So back to no job. Well does this hurt us? Yes and no. More money is made by him working on the farm and in the river. But we did loose insurance. Not a great thing when I'm a diabetic and have asthma. And my worst season is fast approaching for asthma. We looked at plans for self pay but they will run us $600-1000 a month. Not including dental. Luckily my best friend Jessica said look into state insurance. And I did, so I am applying for that for the kids. I will relook at policies for us. Hopefully we don't need  do this long.

Now onto the do I get a job? That I do not know. John says no. I say yes. Still praying for guidance on that one. We don't just want to up and change everything, especially for the kids all at one time. And if I was to get a job right now, it would drastically change all summer plans. The only summer plans I'm really worried about is the week at Girl Scout Camp and Sara's dance recital. The others could just bite it!

Yes, I Know

I haven't done what I said I was going to. That's because I have been hashing out my thoughts and feelings on Facebook. Which has become quite comical. People started looking forward to my weekly sound offs! After a really good conversation with my dad, I realized that my life needed to change. I walked away from something that I never thought I would. I learned I needed to stop taking the bs in my life as well as my family. And I also learned that some people just needed to go from my life. And I have been doing just that.

As of today more big changes are happening. Or are going to. Well, both. Still praying for guidance on that situation. So stay tuned. And as the guys at the firehouse say " Shits about to get real up in here"

The Christmas I Put My Foot Down

Yes I know its almost at the end of January. No one ever said I was on top of things! ;)

 So I think after Christmas of 2011 I vented my frustrations about having to do 5 Christmas' in two days. Ridiculous. Its no fun to rush rush rush. Then open all your presents and have to leave to not come home till 10 or 11 that night. Especially spending time with a family who couldn't care less about you the other 364 days in the year. So I said no more. And guess what? We didn't do not one Christmas but our own. It was GREAT! We slept in, opened our presents, made breakfast then the boys went hunting. I cooked dinner and we just chilled the rest of the day. Couldn't have asked for a better day. And just to back things up for a minute, we even went to two services on Christmas Eve. I think this will be our new normal! And I'm sure plenty had something to say, but guess what? I no longer care what "they" think. They can suck it!

Happy New Year!

Ok so its the 6. Shut it! So whats new with us? Well to start, my dad's tumor has shrunk. Actually all 3 of them. Since he is doing so much better then what the doctor thought, he can do radiation. Next Monday he will start it 5 days a week for 6 weeks. So yea for my dad!

We ended/started our year at a friends house with her two amazing boys. I love seeing that she has become an amazing mother! After all, she was once the wild child! But if you look around her house, you can see the love she has for these two little boys. What really touched me was the craft projects. That is what I like to see hanging up at peoples houses when they have kids.

Nothing else new to report. Working on somethings around the house. Planning a vacation or two!

Stay tuned for a post on Christmas, My Way for Once!

Happy New Year!

Nothing Much New

Not much has changed here lately. Other then cheerleading is OVER! As much as I love it, the schedule for the last month was getting ridiculous. Practice 5 times a week was a little much. But all the hard work for Tina's squad paid off, because they took first place in the 11-13 division! Christmas is getting into full swing. We are actually taking a small life break this weekend and headed to Great Wolf Lodge! And I get to have surgery next week for a kidney stone. That's about all the happenings here! Stand by for some more exciting news!

Dad and The Surgery No Surgery

Last Thursday, dad had his surgery. The plan was to open him along the last surgery lines, take out the bone that was replaced, remove the rest of the tongue and replace the bone with muscle from his chest. I talked to him several times that night and up till he had to go to the OR. Just to back track a second, I spent all day Wednesday with him. It was very hard. We both cried, and he told me things that he thought I needed to know. Stories about before I was born and after.Things that he wished he'd done. So back to the surgery. They took him, cut him open and saw that the tumor has grown to his carotid. So they sewed him back up. They did take some tissue for samples. But there is nothing they could do. And surgery is no longer an option. No radiation either. We can try chemo again, but he hasn't responded the last two times. So who knows. I don't want to think of this as the end. I don't want it to be. I have no idea what I would do if I lost my dad. Though he was around alot when I was younger, I'm a daddy's girl through and through. And like we talked about the day before surgery, I want him to walk me down the isle when we renew our vows. He didn't get to do it the first time. I want other things with him too. Family pictures, Christmas, to sit on the beach and watch the water. And so much more. He said before surgery he was ready for what ever was going to happen. He really didn't think he was going to make it through. But he did. So he has to make it through this.

Really? I mean REALLY?!?

Well looks like we're back at it again. My dad is heading for that nasty battle again. The tumor is back. But this time the game plan has changed. He cant do chemo since he just finished a round and radiation is out of the question. So we are faced with two choices. One, being doing nothing and we have less then a year with him. Two, remove the rest of the tongue, replace it with muscle from his chest. He would be in the hospital for 14 days, then 2 weeks of rehab and then 4 weeks of recovery time. Oh, and the surgery would have to be done by the end of the month. So that's where it stands. We have lots of decisions and praying to do. I'm leaving it to God to point us in the right direction. All I know is I want my time with my daddy. And he knows that. I told him Im being stingy and not ready to let him go. He owes me some back time. And he agreed with me!

Join Me for 100 Days to Christmas Fun

Are you ready for the holiday season yet? Have you even started? Well if not, join me for 100 Days to Christmas Kicks off for 2012! Join their Facebook page and you can partake in the online party tonight! Meet new friends, get new ideas and enjoy the give aways!

Im Sorry, Can You Push That Button Again?

I had a blog all thought out! I was going to write about something that happened on Friday. But our adventure last night has changed that! So here goes!

Took John to the ER last night because his head and neck were hurting. He had a pimple he had picked at, so I knew it was infected and needed to be drained. When we got there and he was triaged, his blood pressure was dangersouly high. Like stroke zone high. So they started an iv, gave him antiboitics and some blood pressure medicine. They said the abcess on his head was infected, and that the infection could go to his brain. Then his labs came back and said his kidneys were showing some damage. We now have to do some follow ups. And major lifestyle changes. I know it will be a bumpy road, but hopefully we get it all worked out!

What Does Someone thats Struggling Look Like?

Do they look like the mom toting a bunch of kids around the grocery store in worn out clothes? Is it the man that rides up and down the road to his job at McDonalds on his bike? Or could it be the family that you see everyday at school, scouts, etc?

Well guess what the answer is? All of the above! This isn't about judging, but about knowing that this could be your next store neighbor, your best friend or even you co-worker.

Why am I bringing this up you ask? Because I finally have decided to be brave enough and share my story. That's right, ME! And about the struggles my family had.

Not the greatest time of my life. Especially to feel like it was all I could do to keep my family fed. Money was pretty non existing in our house. But did anyone know? Nope! Not till last Christmas when someone who I now consider one of my best friends showed up a few days before Christmas with her mother and left a bag on the porch. In that bag was food, toys and a gift card. But back to us struggling. My kids ate two meals at school every day. I was lucky enough to have food for dinner or to have food to feed them all weekend. Why didn't I ask for help? Well one, I was too ashamed. After all, who wants to admit they need help? And when I finally did, our government failed us. We were denied an EBT card. Reason, to much income! How I don't know. It was now even harder for us to pay bills. Vehicles were reposed. The church even paid our electric bill so we could have heat during the winter.

After months of struggling things have finally changed. We've been going several months with bills paid ahead, a purchase of another vehicle and even more then enough food. Though you ask the kids we never have anything to eat! So my main point to this whole story-You never know someone else's situation. Its easy to put on a great facade, after all, I did it for several months! If you think there might be a problem, gently ask if you can do something to help. It can mean more then you would think.

Back to School

So finally at twenty minutes till midnight the girls went to sleep. And I went to sleep...Not at all! I ended up staying up all night stressing,crying and praying. Over what you ask? Stupid things! Ill save that story for another day. Maybe.

Our day started at 545. Everyone got up with out problems and out the door with out them as well. The morning was pretty smooth since I made sure everything was packed up last night and money and checks were given out. However, I only managed to do one thing on the list today. And that was go to WalMart. Baby steps!

The millions of papers are now filled out for tomorrow. Who's buying and packing lunch has been taking care of. And dinners done. Nothing fancy, just french bread pizza. And of course one person is asleep. And its not Sara!!

'Twas The Night Before School

And all through the house, not a child was sleeping and mama was screaming like a banshee. Well not really, but I did raise my voice a few times. And. I. Still.Am. The girls are steadily talking and not going to sleep. I on the other hand would like to roll over and pull my blanket over my head. 530am is not going to be pretty. Especially with all the stuff I want to do. I decided this summer to push everything aside and just spend time with the kids after the spring we had. So now I'm waiting very impatiently for them to go to sleep so I can do the same. Hopefully its soon!

Two Month Slump

So its been two months since Ive written. Nothing else bad has happened, thank God. Just been trying to get back in the groove of things and have a happy family. Summer here has gotten off to a slow start with all the kids having bronchitis or pneumonia or both! The next few weeks of summer will be busy to get everything in that we wanted to. Stay tuned for upcoming adventures and projects!